Response to Elva's last post

Elva, you have clearly been married longer than the stage of marriage that I was referring to in my original blog.  So I'd love to know what ups and downs you have gone through, especially 30 (plus or minus a few years) years ago.  Do you remember when you first met?  Did you experience the "high" that a new love can create?  Many people feel a sense of euphoria, thoughts of their love constantly, a feeling of walking on clouds; this feeling is what we think must be what "love" is.   This sense of "bliss" is like a "high."

 In fact a a study conducted in the 80's  has identified that this "high" lights up the same part of the brain as amphetamines.   So there is evidence that we are hard wired to have different reproductive partners.  This is in conflict with our social norms.

This euphoric stage can last for one to three years until our chemistry shifts in another way.  What I was discussing in the earlier blog was this stage.  This is the time that we begin to wonder what happened to that feeling. This stage creates feelings of disillusionment and despair.  Couples don't feel the same euphoric sense of love and then they often pull away from each other.  The article that includes the study I mentioned also identifies the chemistry of the following stage, and our study of animals and early human cultures helps us identify why this shift is necessary in order to give us  the best chance of our offspring's survival.  I often remind people of the movie,  "The March of the Penguins."  The intensity and cooperation that penguin couples develop i order to take care of the egg in conditions that are against all odd.  They both take their turn on the egg so their mate can travel many miles to eat and then return.  At a particular stage when the baby penguin can survive more independently they go their separate ways.  

In other words we are hard wired, just like all the other animals, in a way that we need to be in order to have the best shot at  our offspring surviving.

How we interpret this change is often what causes breakups.  Many couples have sexual struggles, don't communicate well, feel rejected, and develop strong feelings of attraction for coworkers or friends.  This stage is a make it or break it stage and you obviously "made it."

I'm wondering if you're willing to share anything about that time in your marriage with us?  What did you do to build a stronger, deeper bond?   What did you do to spice things up?  Or did you just accept it?  What made you stay?  Who did you talk with?  Obviously you developed ways to feel fulfilled as an individual, did you also create ways to do it as a couple?

Feel free to completely ignore this post or tell me to mind my own business, or share whatever you want.